A Phony Life Smartphone Addiction Impacts Relationships, Mental Health

We’ve become a society of sharing, but how well are we sharing what really matters?

That’s the question many psychologists, technology mavens, and others are asking as they observe a nation of people glued to their mobile devices — at home, at restaurants, even walking down the street or — gasp — while driving.

“It really depends on the person. Some people use their phones as a tool, and it doesn’t take over their lives. They can turn off the ringer and be fine checking messages once in a while,” said Dr. Rob Barden, a licensed psychologist at Holyoke Medical Center.

“But some people,” he noted, “are totally addicted to their cell phones, and they get really anxious if they haven’t checked it lately. They’re very uncomfortable if it’s turned off and there’s no way the phone can signal them that they have a text or phone call coming in.”

The impact of our reliance on smartphones — close to 60{06cf2b9696b159f874511d23dbc893eb1ac83014175ed30550cfff22781411e5} of all Americans now own one, and the number is rising — is about far more than the devices themselves, however. Behavioral-health professionals wonder whether the way people interact through their phones is adversely impacting their real-life, face-to-face relationships.

“With every passing day, technology is overtaking our daily lives,” writes Dr. Dale Archer in Psychology Today. “The phone, computer, tablet, and other high-tech devices have become not just an object, but, for many, a best friend.”

He notes that people rely on their phones to do everything from saying “I love you” to breaking up; from checking bank balances to investing; from sharing photos of grandchildren to ‘sexting’ — literally dozens of interactions, all at their fingertips.

“You know who you are,” he notes. “At the dinner table, it’s becoming the norm to constantly check for texts, e-mails, tweets, and Facebook updates. In a darkened theater, there are always several who are multi-tasking while watching the movie. Women used to go to the ladies’ room in pairs, but that is obsolete. They now take their phone instead — and men do, too. Over dinner, in church, while driving, at one of our kids’ performances, and even when carrying on a face-to-face conversation, the smartphone is guaranteed to keep you in tune and in touch.”

In fact, the fear of being without one’s mobile device has become so pervasive — 40{06cf2b9696b159f874511d23dbc893eb1ac83014175ed30550cfff22781411e5} of users report some level of this anxiety — that it even has a name: nomophobia. The Millennial generation seems most susceptible to these feelings, Barden said.

“In my experience, people who got their cell phones when they were young — teens and twenties — feel like they have to have it on and be available,” he told HCN. “Even when people come to me for a therapy session, they have a hard time turning their phone off. Even when they turn off the ringer, it keeps signaling when texts come in, and that distracts them from the moment. And when that happens, when it takes them out of what they were thinking about, that seems to be a negative distraction.”

Can’t Let It Go

However, the problem apparently extends to all demographics that use mobile devices. WebMD recently reported on a study of 1,600 managers and professionals by Dr. Leslie Perlow, the Konosuke Matsushita professor of Leadership at Harvard Business School. Among the respondents, she found that:

“A lot of people feel they’re able to have their cell phone going and can pay attention, multi-task, have a conversation while checking messages,” Barden said. “But when people’s attention is shifting, quickly back and forth, there’s a loss of attention to one task while they pay attention to another task for a moment.”

That’s why texting while driving is illegal in most states, but even walking with one’s face in a phone can be dangerous, he added. “There’s a problem in cities, people walking off the curb and turning their ankles or walking into traffic, because they’re paying attention to their phone.”

An actual physical injury could signal a problem, but other signs abound. Daniel Sieberg, a former CNN correspondent who now writes and lectures on technology in culture, is hesitant to use the word ‘addiction’ for smartphone use, but he also notes that addictions are typically associated with compulsions that cause other important activities and relationships to suffer. Some situations he often notes include:

 “There are people who, even when they aren’t using their digital devices, find themselves creating status updates or Twitter feeds in their heads while they are experiencing things,” Sieberg told CNN. “It’s as if they have lost the ability to live in the moment, and have become conditioned to feeling that they have to instantly share it electronically while it is still going on.”

Barden stressed that plenty of people treat smartphones as a tool they can check according to their own schedule, not when the phone tells them to. But others find themselves connected to social media at all hours, engaged in communication that can be both very broad and very shallow.

“I wonder about the quality of connection,” he told HCN. “There’s a volume of connectedness that comes with cell phones that’s amazing. But the quality of conversation — how connected we feel relationally to people — is a little bit more debatable.

“Some people are so used to having that kind of connection that they get anxious when they don’t have it,” he added. “They worry that, if they don’t get back to someone right away, it will be interpreted as being rude or angry or something,” even while they’re oblivious to the flesh-and-blood relationships — with their spouse or kids, for example — they’re habitually neglecting.

Some corners of society are battling back against smartphone immersion, as evidenced by restaurants implementing no-cell-phone policies and retailers and fast-food eateries posting signs telling patrons to put the phone away before ordering or paying. Airports and trains have also installed no-phone zones.

Sieberg says this is healthy, noting that, while people might wonder what they’re missing if they’re not plugged in, a strong case can be made that when a person spends too many hours a day in the digital universe, that’s when he or she is really missing out on life.

As Archer notes, “anything can be abused, and moderation is the key. If you can use and appreciate the technology that is available right at your fingertips without letting it rule your life or hinder those around you, then bravo.”

Others might need a sort of ‘digital detox,’ notes technology writer Caitlin Becker at the Huffington Post. “Powering down and unplugging, for even a short amount of time, can greatly improve your psyche, your relationships, and even your sleep,” she writes.

But most people will still have to plug back in at some point, and “plugging back in can be even harder than unplugging because the urge to overdo it and play catch-up is so great.”

Becker recommends a four-step plan for re-acclimating to the connected life: have a specific plan to re-implement technology without binging to play catch-up; move the most-used apps off the front of the phone to reduce temptation; make a habit of leaving the phone at home for situations that don’t require it (like out to dinner or the movies, or spending time with the kids); and tell a handful of close friends about one’s journey toward healthier smartphone use. “Being accountable to a friend or a slew of followers who will call you out when you slip up might make you think twice before you tweet,” she notes.

After all, she implies, there’s nothing wrong with nurturing relationships that don’t require a device — or valuing quiet moments of contemplation, for that matter.

“I think a lot of people who are on the phone all the time don’t get a lot of practice being alone with themselves — their feelings, thoughts, and mind,” Barden said. “I wonder about the impact of that over time in terms of knowing oneself and learning to tolerate anxiety without always having to do something about it immediately.”

Not that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with an electronic device that clearly helps millions of people every day.

“A lot of people feel less worried when they have their smartphone — they can look up something when they’re lost, hear from their kids when they’re out,” he said. “When you connect in that sense, you can be reassured, and access information that helps you.

“But it depends on who’s running the show,” he added. “It can be a tool you can use, when you decide to use it. But if this phone is telling me what I need to do, when I need to do it, then I think it can become a problem.”