Baystate Mary Lane Hospital Support Group Offers Grieving Individuals a Place to Heal

WARE — Once a month, a friendly and caring group of people meet and help each other as they go through life’s most difficult experiences: dealing with the loss of a loved one.

For 17 years, Stasia Wozniak, a medical social worker at Baystate Mary Lane Hospital, has worked to help those who may feel alone in their struggles and grief. The Baystate Mary Lane Hospital grieving support group inspires strength in those who have suffered a tremendous loss, as the meetings offer members a sense of togetherness and understanding from people who experience the same feelings.

“The willingness to accept help is one of the first steps to healing from a loss,” said Wozniak. “Our group offers members the opportunity to talk to people who have endured the same pain, which often helps people heal and recover from a loss. The members of our support groups talk together about ways to rebuild a changing life. It is difficult to go back to normal life after a loss; everyone in the Grieving Support Group knows and understands that.

“But together support group members can find ways to get through difficult times as they encourage each other to rebuild their lives,” she continued. “Despite the sensitive nature of the group’s discussion, not all the meetings are somber; the room is sometimes light. Group members plan special events together. Occasionally they laugh as they share details of happy memories and learn ways to treasure special moments with loved ones.”

Wozniak moved to the U.S. from Poland in 1969. Growing up, she lived in a community of people who had survived World War II, and at a tender age she gained the passion and understanding of the importance of supporting, strengthening, and restoring people during an illness, loss, or difficulty.

“There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain,” noted Wozniak. “Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich your life.” Wozniak offers the following tips to help a grieving person cope with grief and loss:

• Be patient with yourself and do not compare yourself to others. Go through the mourning process at your own pace.
• Reach out to someone you can trust. Talk about and express your feeling, use your loved one’s name, and talk about them and the special times in your life together.
• Cry. It’s healthy for everyone. Biochemists have found that emotional tears contain protein-based hormones that are natural painkillers produced by our body when under stress. That explains why we usually feel better after a good cry.
• Keep a journal or make a memory book. Plant a tree or garden, or memorialize the person in some fitting way, such as participating in a charity walk or run. Donate your time or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to your loved one.
• Look to the form of spirituality that is meaningful to you. Visit a representative who can help provide religious ceremony, prayer, a reading, or meditation that will give you comfort.
• Eliminate as much stress as possible. Grief is tiring. Plan ahead and keep your life simple. Ignore others’ expectations and pace yourself physically and emotionally. Set some quite time aside to learn relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing.
• Plan ahead for grief triggers. A song on the radio, anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared to face emotional days and know that it’s completely normal.
• Postpone major decisions whenever possible. Avoid making major decisions such as moving or giving everything away, for the first year after a loss. Hasty decisions may be something you regret later.
• Do something relaxing before bed to help you get a good night’s sleep. Read or listen to music. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and smoking; these can all keep you from getting a good night’s sleep.
• Exercise and eat right. Pay attention to your physical and emotional health. Exercise can help your mood. It may be hard to get motivated, so modify your usual routine if you need to. Eat right; you may feel like skipping meals, or you may not feel hungry, but your body still needs nutritious foods.
• Talk to your health care provider if you’re feeling profound hopelessness or you can’t function in daily life.
• Consider a support group when you are ready. Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help.

The Grieving Support Group meets the first Tuesday of every month from 5:30 to 7 p.m. in the Human Resource Conference Room at BMLH. For more information, contact Wozniak at (413) 967-2225 or visit www.baystatehealth.org.