Social Worker Offers Advice for Dealing with Grief During Holidays

PALMER — A question commonly asked by bereaved people at this time of the year is, “how can I get thought the holidays?”

However, “there is no simple answer,” said Melissa Ross, social worker and bereavement coordinator at Baystate Wing VNA and Hospice, who works to help those who may feel alone in their struggles and grief. “One important guiding principal is, do what is comfortable.”
Ross, who facilitates grieving support groups, inspires strength in those who have suffered a tremendous loss.

“If you are already experiencing the great stress of bereavement, the additional strains of the holidays can create unbearable pressure,” said Ross. “Some people find it helpful to be with family and friends, emphasizing the familiar; others may wish to avoid old sights and sounds, perhaps even taking a trip. Others will seek out new ways to acknowledge the season.”

She offered the following tips on coping with grief during the holidays:

• Plan for the approaching holidays, and be aware of what might be difficult for you.

• Recognize that holidays won’t be the same. If you try to keep everything as it was, you might be disappointed. Starting new traditions can acknowledge the change while preserving the past. Different menus, changing decorations, attending different services, or even celebrating in a different location may provide that slight change that allows you to experience life in a new way.

• The holidays will affect the other members of your family as well. Talk over your plans, respect their choices, and compromise if necessary. Everyone should participate in ways that are comfortable. It is important, if you decide to make changes, not to isolate yourself.

• Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and allow people to comfort you.

• Remember, anticipation of any holiday is usually much worse than the actual holiday.

• Honor your loved one by remembering something that brought them joy, and donate your time or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to them.

• Try to get enough rest.

• Consider a support group when you are ready. Grief can feel very lonely, even when you are surrounded by loved ones. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses is comforting and can be part of the normal grieving process. Ross facilitates a drop-in bereavement support group that meets the first Monday of each month from 9:30 to 11 a.m.

“Bereavement support groups offer companionship and understanding from others who are experiencing the similar challenges that living with grief brings,” she said.

The meetings are held at the Baystate Wing VNA & Hospice offices located at the Palmer Technology Center, 4 Springfield St., Building 3, 4th floor, in Three Rivers. For more information, call Ross at (413) 668-4226.